Jeff & Isaac's
Beard Exegesis

In An Offering of Uncles Robert Farrar Capon (a theologian) writes "to the question 'Why do you have a beard?' seventeen answers are possible". Here is his list:

Now, as you might guess, we're inclined to feel that his list is not entirely complete. So, once again gentle reader, we ask your help. Give us your best answer to the question "why do you have a beard?", and it will be added to the list below.

So that I\\\'ll never be mistaken for a Bay Street banker, since I don\\\'t earn money like one, and since I don\\\'t have the same type of spiritual life as a TV anchorperson. They never have beards, eh? Ever stop to think about how much they must shave and how much it must hurt? My Rasta friend Michael has thought about it. He doesn\\\'t shave his beard either.
23:29 on 5 Jul 2008

I think it's very masculine. I like bearded men, so I thougth they'll like me if I've got one (LO)
16:41 on 30 Nov 2007

Most men have beards, I just quit cutting mine off, besides, I can cut myself with an ELECTRIC razor
23:01 on 28 Sep 2007

Because I find beards to be erotically stimulating (in my own case autoerotically stimulating).
15:16 on 27 Sep 2007

A bearded man kissing another bearded man is the most sensual thing I can think of. I can't imagine kissing my man without his beard! It's an extension of us now...
19:08 on 27 Jul 2007

It also gives me an air of sagacity and ancient wisdom (or maybe just ancientness).
9:06 on 10 Jun 2007

i am 18 now and still haven't grown a beard or moustache. i don't think i will ever grow a beard on my own. i just have a patch of pubic hair. i am really frustated. can i grow moustache artificially, ie)through medical treatment.please guide me.save my life raghav 11 june 2006
22:49 on 11 Jun 2006

It makes me feel strong and confident.
21:26 on 27 Mar 2006

I think that all bearded men are so sexy. I always wanted to grow a beard, I did and probably won't shave it off. I have my beard for 27 years.
18:25 on 24 Mar 2006

I like to wear a beard because it looks very manly
2:04 on 17 Jan 2006

To hide the double chin!
6:13 on 14 Dec 2005

Beards are a distinct, unique male trait, and a visible expression of a mature male's virility, sensuality and sexuality - when men share their bodies in this way, they tangibly share in, and commune with, each others' masculinity. The reason I have a beard is that nature wants me to have one, to display, and offer my mature virility to other men.
3:20 on 26 Jul 2005

Because my girl friend likes me better with a beard.
9:01 on 14 May 2005

Dear Sirs, my age is 22. Please give me some recommendation (recipe or prescription) how to grow beard and mustache as I am a man but I don't have much. As mentioned, i hope that you will understand and recommend me. I want to be a full man.please give suggestion as soon as possible. Yours sincerely, rahul 5:40 on 22 Apr 2005
5:44 on 22 Apr 2005

Dear Sirs, Please give me some recommendation (recipe or prescription) how to grow beard and mustache as I am a man but I don't have much. As mentioned, i hope that you will understand and recommend me. I want to be a full man. Yours sincerely, raj
5:40 on 22 Apr 2005

My wife likes it over her puss/arse. And yes, hetro's do like the attention that a beard gets from other men even if not in a strictly sexual sense.
1:40 on 20 Apr 2005

As a kid, I was fascinated by men who had no separation between the hair on their face & the hair on their chest. As a teen, before I could grow a beard (I envied those hirsuit 16 year old guys at school)I couldn't imagine going through life without a beard. So as soon as I was able, I grew some type of facial hair - sideburns, moustache - whatever - till the rest came in thick enough to be a full beard, which I now have - for the past 30+ years. Beards are masculine & having one makes me feel like "one of the guys". Besides, hairy men are so much more sexy. I've yet to see the man with too much body hair. Keep that testosterone flowing!
9:11 on 13 Mar 2005

It allows Me to carry on with the soup course during the main meal.Oh and it gets the attention of other men s well.
6:42 on 4 Feb 2005

Because It makes me happy every time I look at myself in the mirror. Beards are so cute.
17:38 on 2 Feb 2005

I am way too lazy to shave, plus I save a bundle on shaving materials
11:04 on 9 Nov 2004

Love the list! I'd have to select a combination of 'I like it' and 'it hides my weak chin', but I'd also clarify 'I like it' by saying 'I like it because it makes me look rustic'. Thanks!
19:02 on 31 Jan 2004

I like the way they feel when getting kissed, so why not return the favor?
1:47 on 11 Nov 2003

Because I can.
9:53 on 8 Sep 2003

I don't have a beard... I have a mustache. *lol* No... "Men" have mutated to effeminate deep sea shrimps during the last 10-15 years, so stay male, turn grizzled, maintain global virility and ignore my poor English. Love you gay bears. BTW: You forgot Oskar von Miller in your historic bears section.
0:33 on 20 Aug 2003

1) I think all men should have some sort of facial hair if they can grow it decently 2) love the look of a man with a bald head, buzzed head or shaved head with facial hair, extremely masculine 3) feels good when playing with other men 4) i like thinking about why other men have grown theirs 5) waiting many years to be able to grow it as a boy, why shave it off? 6) people like looking at it 7) like to shave it into different shapes/lengths 8) feels masculine
21:42 on 21 Jul 2003

It's simple, I like the way I look with one more than the way I look without one. Not to mention I get more 'attention' as a result of it :-P Furry Hugs Marc
14:34 on 20 Jun 2003

To tell you the truth I had one years ago and didn't like it but during my last vacation I decided to give it another try and when it came in salt and pepper I found I actually liked it. For the first time in my life I look my age and that's a cool thing.
9:31 on 6 Jun 2003

I grew my first one at 16 (yes...I'm that hairy!). Then I liked that it made me look older, now it just seems more practical than not having one.
7:12 on 3 May 2003

The first time I grew one, I was a grad student at Northwestern and I found myself going days without sleep or shaving. It was sparse and oddly reddish. More recently, I've grown a stache-goatee to make myself look more mature. I also think it suits my generally hairy body. And guys like it.
13:36 on 27 Apr 2003

1.I like it 2.I like the way it looks 3. razor blades don't last more than two or three shaves and are too expensive 4.because I'm supposed to have one (isn't that why the hair is there, being genetically male? 5.to anger those who can't grow one as nice as mine.
6:12 on 13 Mar 2003

Because without it I look like I'm 12 (I'm 38)!
14:01 on 11 Mar 2003

Because (1)I makes me look like a grown man and not a boy; (2)It goes well with my hairy body; (3)I like the way people in general treat me now that I have a beard. I actually seem to get more respect from other men.
13:57 on 5 Feb 2003

Testosterone.
17:11 on 1 Jan 2003

I have a beard because all the prophets of God had beards: Moses, Jesus, Muhammed, etc., and God loved his prophets and we should follow the prophet's way: they were our perfect examples. It was said "grow a beard to be recognized from the non-believers", so I did it also with many other benefits.
13:56 on 26 Dec 2002

Because I find a real man must have a beard. - It's sexy!!!
13:51 on 26 Dec 2002

I look so boring without one and I think that men with beards are much more sexy then those without. Also, Kissing a guy that is clean shaven but has course stubble gives me chapped lips...
9:13 on 21 Aug 2002

1.) I love beards. To me, they are a sexual focal point, like a woman's breasts, are to most heterosexuals. 2.) I love the soft, wooly feeling of mine, if I'm not, currently in the company of other bearded men. 3.) The fact that there are and have been several respected, well-known bearded men (Some of my favorites: Robert E Lee, James Garfield, Claude Monet, George Zimmer of Men's Wearhouse, and many more) disproves the point that beards are untidy, and degenerate 4.) I loath shaving!! 5.) I feel more visible.
12:31 on 11 Aug 2002

Trying to shave in a small sailboat on an extended cruise is tatamount to attempted suicide. Or, at least that's what I told my wife. So, using this "logic" I decided to grow a beard. Saves time every morning! And, it does seem to attract the opposite sex. I sort of look like the captain in "The Ghost and Mrs. Muir", so that might explain the latter.
11:53 on 4 Aug 2002

It is something men should have. I look like a man with it. People who would have hassled me because I looked like a wimp won't touch me. I find beards really attractive and I have always wanted to have one. I dread the totally unfortunate event of having to remove it for an operation or if someone played a horrid trick on me. (I'd have to wear a bag over my head!) For religious reasons.
21:15 on 20 Jul 2002

1) Because it attracts men. 2) I'm lazy and I hate shaving. 3) It makes me look my age. 4) It makes me look bigger and meaner than I actually am. 5) Because it attracts men.
2:28 on 7 Jul 2002

I grew my first beard almost 16 years ago, and have not been without it or a goatee since. Well, OK, there was the time 2 years ago when I was trimming, and I took too much off on both sides and had to make it just a 'stache...I looked hideious! Couldn't wait to grow the beard back. I just feel that I look better with a beard. Makes me feel more Cub like (I'm 46). :)
7:22 on 6 Jul 2002

A: I like the way I look with a beard. B: I think most men look better with beards. C: I've had the beard for 33 years and the older I get the better it looks. D It pisses off the people who don't like beards!
6:44 on 1 Jul 2002

Because I think I look better (butcher, sexier, more intelligent, etc.) with it.
21:22 on 29 Jun 2002

i always loved the beards on tv; they got the bests oneliners or comic moments.they were who everybody ran to for comfort and support(think disney moments), and if they lived long enough to grow a beard as a real mature man, he must have learned something along the way,a sign of intelligence and survival. it adds character to a face. last but not least, it can be sexy,howl at the moon attraction for me. hooowwwllll !!!!
16:49 on 29 Mar 2002

Because I (and almost all men) look hotter with one!
8:40 on 10 Feb 2002

It is a great sexual tool. Oh! The Feel of a beard, yours or some another guy(s), tingles all over. Especially on certain areas of the body. Great foreplay.
10:16 on 9 Feb 2002

two words....Flavor Saver
10:22 on 5 Feb 2002

Because I can.
15:19 on 1 Feb 2002

I LOVE the reactions in other people. Just the right people are now more friendly; just the right people have gone away.
16:41 on 16 Jan 2002

I was advised to look like the men I wanted to attract.
17:34 on 23 Nov 2001

Dear Sirs, Please give me some recommendation (recipe or prescription) how to grow beard and mustache as I am a man but I don't have much. As mentioned, i hope that you will understand and recommend me. I want to be a full man. Yours sincerely, Chaophibal,
22:24 on 14 Oct 2001

It's god's gift, I like it, It look's good, It makes me look good, keeps women away and I would be unhappy not to have seen it before I die.
13:43 on 6 Oct 2001

Because I belong in the 19th century, were there were such handsome men, like Eduard Manet, Johannes Brahams, Gustave Moreau. Shaving is for men who really want to remain little boys . . .
15:54 on 20 Sep 2001

Theological ramifications aside- I look like a dumpling or perhaps a marshmallow without it (or at least I did 25 years ago when I last shaved).
22:26 on 22 Dec 1999

For the simplest & most complex of reasons: facial hair is a sexual sign/signal. (Mine used to be auburn & now is white) A goodlooking, bearded man is one of Nature's main delights {She knew what she was a-doing! LOL}
9:23 on 4 Nov 1999

It is a fact that all masculine animals in Nature were created more beautiful than female ones... This is achieved by more colored feathers in birds, wonderful mane around the face in lions, gorgeous horns in deers and bulls, bigger crests in roosters, facial and body hair in men, and so on. These external ornaments make them look more attractive to their sexual partners, and make them also more competitive while looking for the sex partner. All men in the world should respect and care for the only ornament Mother Nature gave them to look attractive, that is, facial and body hair. Beards and mustaches should not be shaved away; this implyes renouncing to our own inborn external masculinity. All men in the world should wear beautiful beards and mustaches, and they should also be kept clean and trim, according to hygiene, aesthetics and today's fashion. I use an electric beard trimmer twice a week!
2:16 on 16 Oct 1999

1) Because no man in their 30's should have to endure hearing, "What a CUTE BOY!". 2) Because in doing what one does well, it can take the words "OOOHHHMMMIIIGGGOOODDD" to a whole new level. *wYcKeD gRyN*
20:23 on 13 May 1999

It makes me a man!
17:55 on 9 Jan 1999

it aint much of one but at least it hides my face lol
0:03 on 12 Dec 1998

First of all, I am very thankful that I am capable of growing a respectable beard (B2-3, without sideburns, which come in scraggly anyway so they're not worth the trouble). Some men seem unable to do so, try as they might; if they identify with and are attracted to bears, I think this might be doubly distressing. But we must learn to accept and be happy with all the physical attributes that God has given us. In retrospect I have found bearded men attractive since childhood, and I have absolutely no idea why. Perhaps there is a aura of masculinity that accompanies facial and body fur. I do know that as early as 5 years old, one of my heros was Captain Tug, the host of local children's cartoon program on a TV station in the Washington DC area around the early to mid 60s; he was a handsome bearded man who was dressed as an old salt of the sea. I was also a fan of Bluto of the old "Popeye" cartoons ... not because he was Popeye's nemesis, but because of his wonderful black beard. Who can guess what contributes to this aesthetic sense, this appreciation of heavy facial hear, this attraction to bears? I know plenty of other men who are turned off by bears and prefer smooth, slender types, and to each his own I guess. But as far as I'm concerned, any man who is capable of growing a nice, thick beard SHOULD, damn it!
12:36 on 10 Dec 1998

When I first hit puberty, I couldn't wait for that one little strand to turn into something bigger. I've always associated masculinity with body hair in general. So, since it is one of the few places I can grow hair (except it looks better on me as a goatee, 'cause the sides are scraggly) I take pride in keeping it. I thought I was gonna have to get rid of it for my present job. Showed up at all interviews with it, so that was the test. I like growing my beard pointy like the devil (bad boy I am), and that's where I got my nickname (but of course they had to put a gay twist on it- hence Fumamachu instead of FuMAN... Well it stuck.
19:09 on 18 Nov 1998

I believe the person who decided that dragging a VERY sharp object across his face was a good thing was an idiot. Also, it makes people ask stupid questions-- i.e. "Why do you have a beard?" as well as the other innane questions I recieve about my appearance.
2:35 on 3 Jun 1998

Because I like a lot your polar bear.
14:23 on 11 Apr 1998

Well, I grew it at first accidentally when I went to seminary and my baggage with razor got lost and didn't arrive for six weeks. But I think I look better with it--and I guess for reasons of piety. After all, doesn't God know what a grown mans' face should look like?
21:20 on 21 Mar 1998

Because it is sexiest thing in the world.
17:46 on 16 Mar 1998

Two Reasons: 1. All men should have a beard. 2. I wouldn't recognize myself without it.
18:24 on 15 Mar 1998

I LIKE IT. and like men bearded!!!!!!!!!
22:24 on 17 Feb 1998

Part of it is emulation. I find beards VERY attractive on other men, which means that I want one as well. Part of it is convenience. I hate shaving. :-) Part of it is eroticism. I LOVE rubbing beards with other men. I once had my back scratched by a man, using his beard. It was heavenly, and very arousing. WOOF!
11:05 on 19 Jan 1998

SED PROPTER VANITATEM I supose for the most part. Also, my lover-lifemate greatly prefers that I grow it. I'm not allowed to grow it very long at a time because of my work, but I do enjoy it. It is a great erogenous tool when lovemaking; my lover likes it rubbed all over his body. (Good for scratching his itch too.)
0:35 on 6 Jan 1998

I don't. I have a big bushy moustache. Think of it as facial art.
18:01 on 15 Dec 1997

Well, actually, I have a psuedo-beard. I grow it out of sheer stubborness, mainly because I am a blond and cursed to have a hard time growing a beard. Maybe in a few months/years It will really show and cease to be a pigment of my imagination. Oh! that's right... FIGMENT... I'm so blond, it's hopeless..
11:57 on 30 Oct 1997

1) I wanted to gain an appreciation for napkins, which prior to growing a mustache and beard, I did not have. 2) It helps me think, by stroking it. 3) Provides cover for those unsightly occasional blemishes that crop up even on adults 4) Feels better to rub a beard up against another beard than to rub a smooth face against a beard. 5) I look tougher with a beard. Fewer people mess with me because of it. 6) My partners like the feel of it against their balls, cock and ass.
17:41 on 2 Sep 1997

(1) I let the beard grow during a summer in Alaska in the 60's because that seemed the reasonable thing to do. When I got home, my mother's first question was, "When are you going to shave that off?" So I never did. (2) A woman-friend of mature years (like I am now) informed me that she thought men with beards were "unkissable." I hoped she would continue seeing me in that light.
15:04 on 16 Aug 1997

Because it makes me look older, and at 30, I was tired of being mistaken for the students at the university where I work. Plus it got a lot of bears interested in me (yay!), and I'm now a member of the DC Bear Club. It all worked out in the end. (Except mine is a Van Dyke--not enough hair follicles to grow a full beard.)
13:03 on 14 Aug 1997

So other bears and cubs could feel and pet it.
17:10 on 30 Jul 1997

Because I can.
13:37 on 31 May 1997

Because I hate razor bumps
15:22 on 15 May 1997

I have always been "turned-on" by men with beards so It's only natural that I would grow one. Facial hair is important to me...I wanna make it with a man not a boy!
4:45 on 8 May 1997

Honestly, I think its sort of a shield between me and this harsh cruel hungry world we live in. Not that things are so bad for me or anything; maybe because I have a beard
4:24 on 7 May 1997

It looks *horny* so my other half reckons and I like the reddish tone to it ... but not the white ones! I also like to lick parts of my goatee after working over my bearfriend's gorgeous sweaty hairy arse and reliving the sensations it brings me!
4:29 on 30 Apr 1997

Lost the (less than pitched) battle against fur. Since I'm one of those people who can stop up a drain in less than 30 sec. I figured it was silly to keep shaving my beard - since I don't shave the rest of me. Always hated razor-burn anyway!
2:27 on 30 Apr 1997

It adds a certain distinctive quality to my face...also it matches the rest of the hair on my body! :->
22:57 on 29 Apr 1997

Ready to answer our question why do you have a beard?