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In fact it all began in South Central Pennsylvania, in Harrisburg,
the state capital. It was in that
city in December of 1953 that finally made my appearance in
a world that may or may not have
been ready for me.
There seems to have been some hesitation on my part,
since I was actually expected to arrive
around November 25, but didn’t actually agree to be
born until after lunch almost three weeks
later. My mother used to tell me that, like my
father, I was always late. This is a fault that I’ve
tried to correct over the years, but I’ve only partially succeeded.
As we are all somehow influenced by our families of
origin, I suppose the fact that my father
was Hungarian and that my mother was Pennsylvania Dutch
(though NOT Amish, I hasten to
add) had much effect on me over the years. I love
high cholesterol foods, often with little or no
seasoning (PA Dutch), fine wood, good chocolate and
dark coffee (Hungarian); I enjoy music,
can be extremely sentimental but stubbornly realistic
yet romantic. The pig and the cabbage are
perfect foods, so far as I’m concerned. Among the
best ways I know to pass the time are:
enjoying food & drink, playing cards, making music,
chatting about this and that with friends,
and reading almost anything I can get my hands on.
I don’t remember much about our life in Harrisburg. We lived
on Liberty Street, and belonged
to St. Francis of Assisi Roman Catholic Church, where I also
went to kindergarten and 1st grade.
In 1960, we moved to Elizabethtown, in the northwest corner
of Lancaster County, PA. It was
here that I grew up (till the end of eighth grade) and where
lots of important things happened.
My sister (who is 2 years younger than I [and who happened
to arrive in the world on November
26, more or less on schedule, unlike me]) both went to the
Catholic grade school in town, St.
Peter’s. I was always at the top of my class, and I was
also perhaps the most gifted musician in
the school. After the Vatican Council changed so much of
the Catholic liturgy from Latin to
English, I was "forced" (well, not really: I jumped into
it with both feet and never looked back)
to be involved with church music in a major way:
playing the organ, planning music for the
services, training other kids to sing in the choir...
From the earliest time I can remember, I had wanted to
a priest. When I was in eighth grade, the
pastor of our parish suggested to me that I might
want to look into going to a high school
seminary. I had never thought about that as
a possibility; in fact, I didn’t even know there were
high school seminaries. But I decided that I
wanted to give it a try. My parents weren’t exactly
surprised by my decision, but they weren’t overjoyed
either when it turned out that I would be
going to school in Erie, PA. Back then, it was
a very long car trip!
So in August of 1967, we headed out to St. Mark’s
Seminary High School, where I ensconced
myself for four years. I graduated first in my class,
and was once more one of the premiere
musicians of the student body. I studied organ at
Mercyhurst College, just across the street from
the seminary, and one of my teachers was also the
organist of the Episcopal Cathedral in Erie.
I still wanted to be a priest and so, for my undergraduate
degree, I enrolled at The University of
Scranton, in Scranton, PA, a small Jesuit school.
There was a seminary near Scranton, located in
the small town of Dalton, about 15 miles north of Scranton,
where I lived for my four years
there. I majored in philosophy, mostly because that
was what seminarians did. Actually, by my
time, that was no longer true, but it seemed a good
option to me: there were few required
courses, and that left lots of room in the curriculum for
the things that interested me: music and
languages.
Since the University itself didn’t have a music department,
I took my minor in music at
Marywood, the largest Catholic girls’ school in the
country, with a fine tradition of scholarship.
In high school, I had studied Latin & French; at the
University, I continued with those languages
(most informally) and also did ancient Greek (both
classical and koine). There was a huge
upsurge of interest in Greek in those years, and our
Greek professor (a Jesuit who’d been around
for centuries, it seemed) was overwhelmed with the
number of students. We were the largest
Greek class he’d ever taught: there were 12 of us
in 1st year. But by the next year, there were
only two of us.
I took my BA on 1 June 1975. In September, I began
graduate studies in theology at the
seminary located in Northampton, PA, run by
the Vincentian Fathers. However, after a few
weeks, I realized that I really wasn’t cut out for
the life of a parish priest. For several years I’d
been fascinated by the monastic life and had visited
several Benedictine monasteries, and was
very inclined to choose that way of life.
In October 1975, I entered the Abbey of St. Anselm in
Washington DC. My mother was not at
all happy, but eventually she came around to seeing that
it was a good decision. For the next 15
years, I was a monk and, for the most part, very content.
I did graduate studies at The Catholic
University of America and at The University of Maryland
at College Park, studying theology and
musicology. In March 1982, I was ordained deacon at the
Abbey; in October of that same year, I
was ordained priest at Trinity College, Washington, DC.
I also taught in the Abbey School:
Latin, music and (for one good awful year only) religion.
In the monastery, almost from the
beginning of my life in the community, I was music
director/choir master. At various times in
my monastic life, I served as director of guests, as a
member of the abbot’s council and as school
chaplain.
I moved to Rome, Italy, in August 1985, to pursue studies
in music at the Pontifical Institute of
Sacred Music, residing at Sant’ Anselmo, the international
college of the Benedictine Order.
About a year later, in October 1986, I became Secretary of
the Abbot Primate (the nominal head
of the Order) and Procurator in Curia for the Benedictine
Confederation. I held that job till
March 1990. I also served as director of the English Language
Chapel at S. Anselmo, and as
organist and choir master of the Primatial Basilica of St. Anselmo.
I returned to the monastery in Washington in August 1990,
and took up duties as development
director for the school and monastery. I also assisted in
a few parishes, and served as confessor
at the retreat house of the Trappist monks near Leesburg, VA.
About a year after my return from Rome, I decided to leave
monastic life. Being a gay man in
the Catholic church is difficult; being a gay priest is even
harder. Eventually, the stress of being
something that my Church was not exactly thrilled about took
its toll, and I left the ministry in
the summer of 1991.
In August of that year, I was interviewed for the position
of organist/music director of St.
Matthew’s United Methodist Church, Bowie, MD. On the
same afternoon, I played a recital at
The Washington National Cathedral, then returned to Bowie
to conduct a "sample" choir
rehearsal. I began my work at St. Matthew’s after Labor
Day 1991, and am still very happy
working with the wonderful people there.
In September 1992, I took a secretarial position at the
U.S. Department of the Treasury,
International Affairs. Until I left Treasury in March 2001,
I worked in various offices doing
various administrative tasks, and ended my tenure with
the title "Deputy Director, Secretariat for
International Affairs, Treasury".
The same month that I began work at the Treasury, I met Jeff.
Without him, the last decade
would have been very, very different. In fact, I cannot
imagine what my life would be like
without him in it. He’s my friend, my partner, my lover,
my comfort, my joy and treasure,
sometimes a bit of a strain, but always the man I long for,
turn to and love with all my heart.
Our family needed to grow after we’d been together for
several years, and in June 1999,
Dowland came to share our life. He’s a red brindle
greyhound, born in 1995; he was joined by
Sandy, a red bitch about twice Dowland’s age. Sandy shared our
life for 2.5 years 'til she went
to Rainbow Bridge in March 2002. Just recently, Arlo,
a 5-year old black boy who’s still very
much a puppy at heart. He & Dowland are fine friends,
enjoying backyard games and the
occasional nap in the same bed.
In March 2001, I started my new job in the development office
of a wonderful non-profit
organization, The Fund for Peace. My duties revolve around
public education, fund-raising,
outreach and publications. Visit the Fund’s website:
http://www.fundforpeace.org.
Truly, looking back over my life, I cannot say that I
have anything much to complain about.
Sure, there were things that might have been
different...but I’m not sure that I’d be any better or
better-off. Certainly, my Jeff, my doggie-boys,
my music and my work keep my very busy and
happy. And I look forward to many years ahead of more of the same!
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